The Dark Secert of The Sharingan
by Remus'gal
Summary: Sasuke comes back after 2 years. Though things don't go as planned... first off sasuke KISSES naruto then encounter's hinata's wrath, ... and Itachi... in a pink bra... read and be AMUSED...


Ok, this idea has been running around like a racecar in my brain for almost a month... I have to get it down on paper. This is the real appearanse of sasuke. just you see. This'll happen. It's sooo predictable...

yes, you could say that this is a parody. An Uchiha parody. THE Uchiha parody... well, the beginning might surprise you but by the end it makes sense! muhahahahah! Read and be AMUSED XD

**The Dark Seceret of The Sharingan**

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" Naruto-kun..." came the drawling voice of the youngest Uchiha.

" YO! Sasuke?"

It had been nearly three years since the infamous Uzamaki Naruto had seen his ex- best friend. And he was... surprised. There stood a slightly older Sasuke ( but no more mature) wearing the same robe that orochimaru wore ecept it distictly showed his chest and-

... A big **purple **BOW. A big GAY purple bow...

Why the hell was Sasuke calling his best friend " Naruto- **kun"! **Sasuke never called Naruto_ that. _Sure, he might call him "naruto- _chan _or something along those lines...

"Yeah, it's me. Sasuke-kunn..." he talked rather seductivelyrolling his toung along his lips. Naruto's eye twitched and gave a look of disgust at the boy in front of him. Sakura looked over Naruto's shoulder at Sasuke, tears filling her eyes.

" Well...let's get to the point then, shall we?" Sasuke said, coming closer to Naruto. Then he did something none of them expected. Ino screamed. Tenten made a sound as if she was about to be sick. Hinata blushed a deep red and then hung her head down in dissapointment. Shikamaru yawned, obviously bored. Chouji stood beside Shikamaru, munching on a bag of snacks. Temari's mouth dropped open wide and her eye twitched. Kankuro ignored her and began playing with his puppets. Gaara folded his arms across his chest,narrowed his eyes and clenched his fist. Lee and Gai looked disgusted and tried to raise their thumbs up. Neji sighed and put is hand in his head. Shino did nothing, his hands thrust into his pockets and Kiba shut his eyes tightly and put his hands over Akamaru's eyes so he couldn't see anything. Kakashi looked over his "icha-icha paradise" and shrugged. Iruka jumped in surprise, trying to rip his hair out as he began running in circles like a mad man.

Sasuke had taken Naruto into his arms. He lowered himself even _closer _to naruto and their lips touched. Naruto's and Sasuke's lips were touching. Naruto had a look of shock and disqust on his face and tried to restrain and get out of Sasuke's grasp. He was flailing his arms in the air and scwirming, but it was no use. Sasuke had gotton a lot stronger, it was impossible for Naruto to escape from his grasp. And he couldn't move his mouth away from Sasuke's, because... Naruto's tounge was in between Sasuke's teeth. He started mumbling and continued to flair his arms in the air to try and get help, but it was no use. He was stuck.

Sakura sat on the ground, her knees up to her face, she was sobbing uncontrolably in her knees "Sasuke-kuuuuunnn...why..."

"What the-?" Ino screamed " How- why, this is... noooooo!" she panted out of breath and ran round and round, coming up to Shikamaru.

"Bah..." Shikmaru said lazily "this is such a drag... how troublesome..."

" What the hell! Do you realize what's going on here! do you? Sasuke is- he's- he's kissing naruto!"

" Honestly. We all saw it coming Ino... You're so clueless..."

"What? No-one- I never- EXPLAIN PLEASE!"

"Bahh... to troublesome..." Shaikamaru bought his arms around his neck and streched lazily.

"I'm obvious, Ino." Chouji said "Saske is such... he's a..."

"fag." Shakamru finished, smiling cheekily; causing Ino to flare in anger and bonk Shikamaru over the head.

"I think... I think... I'm going to be sick..." Tenten put her hand over her head to check her temprerature and fainted, falling right into Neji's arms.

"Tenten! Are you alright?" Neji asked, with a worried expression on his face. After Tenten was conked out, Neji faced Lee and Gai, giving them the thumbs out and sticking his tounge out the side of his mouth to say "Hell yeah!"

Lee slightly frowned and looked the other way, his arms folded across his chest, he then noticed Gai-sensei smiling brightly at Neji and giving his the thumbs up back. Lee grudingly forced a smiled on his face and put his thumb up at Neji.

"I can't beleive this!" Garra exclaimed, moving his arms around in front of him, speaking with expression; something he never did on a regular basis " I respect Uzamaki Naruto and that... that.. Damn Uchiha! Naruto tried to protect him before and now he's made a joke out of Naruto... he's gonna pay... I'm gonna sick this baby on him, and..." Gaara continued rambling on, taking the cap off of his sand gourd.

"That's just... wrong..." Temari said, shuddering.

"You're so cute! I love you! " Kankuro said happily, huggling his puppets.

"Nooooo! not my boy! why! You pervert Uchiha! gaaaahhhhh!" Iruka screamed, still running in circles, pulling his hair out madly.

"hmm..." hmmed kakshi, his eye's not leaving the pages of his book.

" What the hell is up with that Sasuke pervert... I mean I thought he was kinda wierd and stuff but kissing Naruto... his best friend... weird..." Kiba said, a look of utter disgust on his face.

"Kiba, shut the hell up, or I'll sick my bugs on you. " Shino said, looking at Kiba with and unipressed look on his face. He motioned his head towards Hinata, who had tears falling down her face and onto the ground. Her long indigo hair fell onto her face and hung down loosly. "W-why is it t-that a boy... Naruto-kun's best friend c-can... just do that... just go up and kiss him... and me, I'm a girl... and I can't even tell him how I feel...why is that?" she moved her head up swiftly and activated her Byakugan. " He's... he's **french** kissing him..." She twitched her eye, grimaced and began to turn red. But, she wasn't blushing. She was red, with anger.

"Hinata? Are you okay?" Shino asked catiously, looking worried over at Hinata.

"Shino. You better get back," Kiba said, fear in his voice "Sh-she's gonna blow." Shino widened his eyes and moved away from Hinata as quickly as possible.

"Gahhhhh!" Hinata screamed and charged right at Sasuke.

Sasuke flew into the air, higher than a bird could fly, blood coming out of his mouth as Hinata's fist hit his jaw.

"Hinata-chan..." Naruto said, gazing at Hinata, thinking of her differently then he ever had "Wh-hy? Why? Did you.. save me...? " (A/N watch epis. 16, this is spoof XD)

"I-I'll be right back, Naruto -kun..." Hinata said, a small smile on her face. She ran for Sasuke and began hitting him hard and fast, causing him to be conked out more and more.

Neji pointed at Hinata, his hand shaking " Since when did Hinata-sama learn Juken!" Lee pounded Neji over the head with his face "Baka, she's not using Juken, she's just hitting him. You're so obsessed with that bloody Byakugan. And they call you a genius..." Lee scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Sasuke whirlled his head around to see sand making it's way towards him. He gulped and then he heard a girls voice. It had a ring of evil and milliciousness when she spoke.

"Garra kun..." Hinata breathed, slightly over a whisper "He's mine. I'm the one that's going to kill that Uchiha ..."

Gaara placed his hands on his hip and slightly smirked with a look of satisfaction " I like the way you think..." he said, placing the cap back onto his gourd.

Shouts of agony ( coming from Sasuke) and fist beating noises were heard, some of them shut their eyes tightly to cover their view from Sasuke getting beaten to a pulp. While others watched intently with joy.

After about (what seemed) a few hours went by, Hinata was finally satisfied as she stood over an almost- dead Sasuke lying on the floor. She placed her hands on her hips and smiled in satisfction.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee whined, tears coming down his eyes as he hugged his sensei "Sh... she's scary..."

"It's ok, Lee...I have a plan!"

" A plan?" Lee asked weekly, rubbing the tears away from his eyes.

"Call 911 before that uchiha kid dies!"Gai exclaimed, pointing to the sky.

"Gai- sensei is sooo cool and so smart!" Lee exclaimed with joy and pointed to the sky with his sesei "I'm on it!"

XXXXXXXX

The emerge came and hulled Sasuke on a strecher, carrying him to the hospital...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A week later...

The bright, blazinng sun shone down on to Sasuke's face. He rubbed his eyes lazily as he opened them. He sat up and yawned tiredly. He wondered where he was. What had just happed. But the young Uchiha showed NO expression or feelings, as always. He just sat there, a blank expression on his face, doing absolutely NOTHING.

He then noticed a young woman standing at the doorway. She was wearing a nurses outfit. He must be in a hospital, Sasuke observed; STILL SHOWING NO EMOTION...

" M-mr. -U-u-u-uchiha?" The young girl asked, with shyness in her voice. Sasuke just looked up at her... showing no emotion...

"Y-uo h-have a visitor..." she said quietly.

"Who?"

"Um..." the nurse began, taking out he clip board. She flipped sheets about and some fell to the floor. After a few moments of sorting through sheets of paper, she stopped. "Ah... yes. Uchiha Itachi...!" The girl's eyes widedned and she gave a small scream, dropped her papers, causing them to fly in all different directions and ran out of the room as fast as she could.

"I-itachi!" Sasuke said, bringing himself to attention, actually showing emoion and alarm "This is my chance! My chance! Now with my new sharingan I will kill him!" Sasuke said, frantically moving his arms in the air. He attempted to get up, then _crack_ "Gahhh! My back!" He whined. He tried to ignore it and get up again, but couldn't. He couldn't even _feel _his legs "That Bitch paralized me! Gaah.. I'm going to kill her, too..."

" Wasuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupp?" Itachi exclaimed, thrusting his arms into the ait as he burst the door open. Sasuke winced as his brother slapped him heartily on the back.

"Don't touch me..." Sasuke said darkly "Oh, and... DIE!"

Sasuke stared at his hand, trying to activate his chidori. Little blue sparks sprung from his hands and little squeaky chirp sounds could be heard, but no luck. He couldn't control his chakra properly since half of his body didn't work...

"pfft..." Itachi folded his arms across his chest, underneath his cloud cloak.

"HEY! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

"Let's get to the point..." Itachi began, sighing " As your older brother, you're my responsibility... An what's this thing I hear about you kissing boys?" Itachi placed his hands on his hips, looking down at Sasuke with his spiral red eyes.

"..."

"Well, Mr, I think I deserve an explination for such behavior!"

"Ok... _fine..."_ Sasuke said, giving into his older brother "It all started one day when I was with Orochimaru...

flashback

"Here Sasuke-kun!" Orochimaru said hapily, handing Sasuke a small book that entitled "Love Digest". Sasuke took the book from Orochimaru and looked at it oddly.

"What's this?" Sasuke asked, disgust in his voice.

"Read the cover, dobe..." Kabuto sneered, rolling his eyes.

"Hold one damn second! You son of a-" Sasuke roared, charging at Kabuto.

"Now, Now children..." Orochimaru hushed as he rolled his tounge acroos his lips. He held Sasuke in his arms and embraced him like a Father. Sasuke just looked at Orochimaru from the corner of his eyes and hung his shoulders downwards "Now, Now... You want to kill Itachi, don't you?"

**"Damn right I do!" **Sasuke said, bursting away from Orochimaru's grasp.

"Then.. listen..." Saske looked up eargerly and had an anxious look in his eyes. "Read the book title."

"Okay. " Sasuke obeyed, taking a closer look at the book in his hand " Love Digest... A kiss more fatal then death... Huh? Da frig?"

"Well...who do you _have _to kill...?"

"ITACHI!" Sasuke clenched his fist in front of his face and snickered evilly.

"...No."

"Wha...?"

"I said: who do you **_have _**to kill... not who do you **_wish _**to kill, got it?"

"Oh... then..." Sasuke stroked his fingers across his chin and thought " hmm... " then he shrugged his shoulders loosely "I guess no one really!"

"NOOOOO!" Orochimaru said, frustrated.

"Wha?"

"THE SPECIAL SWIRLY RED EYE! THE SPECIAL SWIRLY RED EYES ITACHI HAS! YOU NEED THOSE EYES TOO! AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET THOSE?"

"Ummm..."

Kabuto looked over at Sasuke wearily "cough Baka!cough"

"Oh! My best friend! Yeah... Naruto..."

"And if a kiss is as fatal as death..."

"A kiss would be equal to death...?" said Kabuto, looking over at Orochimaru, unsure.

"Well why not! It's in the Reader digest love issue!" Orochimaru said, taking the book out of Sasuke's hands "I would trust Readers Digest with my life... Barbara Walter's always says something in them.. I just _idolize her..." _Orocimaru sighed lovingly and rubbed the book up to his face.

"Sooo.. you want me to kiss Naruto?" said Sasuke innocently.

"Yeah..." Orochimaru said lovingly, still hugging his reader digest issue.

"And it'll help me kill Itachi?"

"Yeah... sure... whatever... and then I can have your body... Oh my god... **I love the uchiha clan! They're so sexy!"**

Kabuto pouted at Orochimaru, turned around on his feet and walked away slowly "I'm not... no... never... not JEALOUS! DAMMIT!"

Sasuke began dancing aroung in circles "I'm gonna kill ya... killa ya... Itachi... BOO YAH!"

end of flashback

" This is what you've been doing for the past TWO AND A HALF YEARS!" Itachi looked at his brother over his eyes and then chuckled "And you think **you're **gonna_ kill _**me**?"

"Shut your god damn tr-"

"Hey, hey! What's up with that mouth, young man? Using it to kiss boys and now such... Language! And your clothes! Your fashion sense is HORRID! It pains these beautiful eyes..." Itachi dramatically covered his eyes with with his hands and his purple- nali-polished nails.

"Shut it."

"Sasuke, you know you've really gone to the dogs... oh dear.."

"I said SHUT UP."

"But you see..."

"SHUT!"

"Bu-"

"SHUT!"

"Y'know--"

"SHUT!"

"Cheese-"

"SHUT!"

"I'm smexy-"

"SHUTTTTTTT!"

"_Fine..._Be that way!" Itachi stuck his nose up in the air and pouted. Sasuke puoted, too. Folding his arms across his chest.

"..." Both of them said nothng for a moment.

"So... you gonna try it out?" murmered Itachi, breaking the silence.

" What out?"

"To see if the Mangekyou Sharingan worked of course!"

"Oh... yeah, I guess... whatever..." Sasuke saighed deeply and activated his sharingan. First it was blood red with three spirals surounding the pupil. Then Itachi began to burst out laughing; holding his sides, he attempted to contain himself. Sasuke's eyes had formed a heart shape and formed a pretty rainbow for the colour "What the Hell is that _thing?"_ Itachi coughed, from too much laughter.

"GAH!" Sasuke scremed, putting his hands through his hair "Y-y-your... youre wearing a pink bra! GAHH!"

Itachi blinked at Sasuke blankly several times, then smirked "You have a problem with my pink bra? Caus' If you do..."

"NO! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"

"Acually, no I'm NOT wearing a pink bra! What a surprise! Itachi- Ni-san ISN'T wearing a bra!" remarked Itachi sarcastically " Foolish little brother... you know nothing. You know what? You're so foolish you don't even deserve the title "foolish _little brother". _ No. from now on, I will simply call you _foolish. _" Then Itachi brought his hand out to Sasuke for him to shake it "Hello foolish. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Uchiha Itachi."

Sasuke payed no mind to his brother and de-activated his sharingan "You know, this is just a load of crap!_" _Sasuke hung his head down in shame.

"Hey! Cheer up, Emo kid!" Itachi heartily slapped his brother on the back "soo... foolish... what are you gonna name it?"

"name what?"

"Your new sharingan."

"What?"

"Well, you made a new sharingan. So, you get to name it."

"How do I name it when I don't even know what it does or what kind of sharingan it is?"

"Sure you do. It's the "gay" sharingan of course..." Itachi snickered and got up from his seat.

"Well, Foolish... Duty calls! Later!" Itachi made some form of a wave at Sasuke, created several hand signs, then dissappered.

"..."

"Crud! I forgot to kill him!" Sasuke cursed, clenching his fist in frustration.

" Erm... Mr. Uchiha? You have more visitors." a new nurse stood at the door, her arms folded in front of her.

Sasuke looked up at her and frowned "Who is it?"

"Ororchimaru and Kabuto."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in annoyance as he heard steps coming towards him "We brought flow-ers!" Orochimaru said in a sing-song voice, carrying a boquet of red roses. Kabuto stood beside his master, arms folded across his chest, rolling his eyes.

Sasuke's eye twitched unsteadily " Why? **GOD! WHY ME!" **

Buwhahahaha! That was the most fun and funniest thing I've ever written! I hope you like it. Please don't take it seriously. PLEASE. Orochimaru like barbra walters. scary shudders

So... should I continue? or not. plese tell me. Thanks all hope you likey and please review .

Thanks

Remusgal


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